Category: Thoughts

Warped Views of Ourselves

There is this idea of Overconfidence in decision theories where our subjective confidence in our abilities exceed the actual objective performance. For example, assign yourself a percentile in the USA for:

  • Being a good friend
  • Intelligence
  • Kindness
  • Honesty

Most of us would rate ourselves above the 50%: we are kinder, more honest, more intelligence, a better friend than 50% of the population. However, this cannot be true. We cannot ALL be above the 50% because in order to be above it, the same amount of people must be below it.

This leads me to wonder: how warped is our view of ourselves? We all work towards our ideal human, and so believe ourselves to be pretty decent people as a result: someone above the 50% of this ideal criteria.

The reality is that this is not and cannot be the case. We cannot all be above the 50%. How accurate is our self-perception?

I have believed myself to be a generous, somewhat selfless person. Giving has always been natural for me to the extent that I conjure ways to give beyond what is necessary. You didn’t ask for this, but I want to give it to you. It has recently come to my attention that although I may mean well, the execution can be poor. I assume what someone would want, but at times, they do not want it: it has a negative effect. You don’t want this, but I give it to you. A lose-lose situation: I went out of my way to do something for them that they did not want. In the end, how generous and selfless am I?

Better than you

First post of actual organic content.

I used to think that I was living the perfect life. Or rather, that I was crafting my life to what I considered “perfection” or “good.” Help marginalized peoples: Good. Be a good listener. Live in other countries to broaden your perspective. Read books. Donate to charity. Eat fruits. Materialism is bad. Environmentalism is good. Etc. Naturally, we all work towards a life we consider “good”

But in this sense, I think I lost sight of humility, feeling that my values are superior to others. When I see someone with acrylic nails, I think that they are wasting money on material goods and shallow, superficial needs. “I am superior to you because I know what is important in life.” This goes both ways. When I meet someone who is genuine, and has depth and a profound understanding for life, I think that they are superior to me in every way. I idolize them and see them as “someone who can do no wrong.”

Maybe its not so black and white (applying the skills from therapy). Maybe I am not necessarily living the right life. Maybe I don’t know everything there is to know. Maybe my own thinking and values are just that. They are thoughts and values that work for me, but aren’t necessarily the prevailing and superior thoughts and values.

Perhaps this comes from the necessity to believe that I am living the right life. An over-compensation for insecurity. A need to reinforce my own insecurity that shakes in fear of the question: am I living correctly?

In the end, maybe there are very few ways to live a “wrong” life. And there is no exact “right” life.

 

  • What you believe to be right, doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone. People have different values and ideas. One is not necessarily superior to others.